I was reading this post from Inc.com and somehow it got me reflect my own past.
About 2 years ago, something huge happened to my life. Well it's not that huge because it's a lie and fake story after all. But it did impact me very hard. I was reluctant to tell people around me cos I won't want people to judge and start spreading news that I was crazy and etcetera. So I only told the whole story to friends who are closed and involved during that period of magical dreamy story.
I'm not sure if I am already healed and let go off that story. I was pissed off when I realised it was a total lie. I mean, how can someone drafted a story so well and made me believe in it through my heart and soul and in the end, crash and burn just like that. Gone and poof with the wind!
I started avoiding people. Friends, acquaintances, colleagues and families. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my own action. I didn't want to meet people. I was mad and somehow scared to bump into that person again. At first when the tragedy happened, I dig I stalk I get help I was desperate to know and find out who and how and why. Then I found the truth. I became mad and pissed and was a burning flame. But after the matter subsides, I became scared. I was afraid the history will repeat. I was afraid that person will find me again. I was afraid that person will do something to me again. I became so scared that I kept myself busy with work and work and work. People say ignorance is bliss. I tried. Not true. Didn't work out. So I prayed hard and hope to God that He will help me go through my everyday and eventually forget about the matter.
But I know clearly. Deep down inside me somewhere. I am still scared. I don't know how to voice it out to my mom neither my bf. I tried to share the story but the one who was not involved will not be able to know how I really feel. Then I came across that article. And here I am writing this. I hope that I can write all my anger and shame out to the anonymous for me to release whatever that is clogging my heart and head. I need to clear them away before proceeding to the new chapter of my life. I can't be feeling this all my life. I'm not sure if I can forgive but I can try to forget right?
I want to become a better person. I want to learn from all my past mistakes. But I keep ignoring them. Keeping them in a book somewhere on the shelf collecting dust. No matter how I try to ignore, the book is still sitting there on the shelf. I am currently hoping that by writing it out probably daily or weekly or monthly or just random days, I can become better. I just need to release them out. This may not be a good post but it surely does help me in a way or another.
To all my readers, apologies that I have been away. I can't bring myself to write anymore about my life after so many matters arise and tragedy happened. I'm looking into opening up a travel blog but I'm not sure how far can I go. I love writing and sharing my thoughts. But I get lazy with the photos. Tons of them. Any idea how?
Anyway, here's the link to the article I read on Inc.com: What Tragedy Can Teach You About Leadership. Have fun reading!
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
I was reading this post from Inc.com and somehow it got me reflect my own past.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Monday, May 19, 2014
Dream house dream car,
Imaginary world brought too far,
Plans and promises too many,
Making life so dreamy
Within times within hopes,
Beyond expectations and changes,
Fingers cross praying hard,
Hoping we'll never be apart
A twist, a turn,
Everything crash and burn,
Unable to stop, unable to reverse,
Unable to undo the King of Universe
Reality came too soon,
Heart aches tears break,
Wishing upon stars and moon,
That you will still come back
The question unasked,
The answer unsaid,
Until the day we meet again,
I will love you til no end
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Happy New Year~
Monday, November 4, 2013
So much to say
Yet words can't describe
The way I felt
About your words last night
It was only a cookie jar
That was baked from far
It was only a Starbucks drink
That created the link
It's been a roller coaster weekend
Funny scary yet adventurous
The insanity that I found sane
The happiness that is mysterious
Who is this man
That God sent
Where is this path leading
If I'm still doubting
Wishing upon the many stars
To shine on us as we depart
Hand in hand, heart by heart
Til the day God draw us apart
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Hello Mr Pastry Chef! So I heard you've read my previous message eh. I hope you do get this one soon. Will only keep this open until you leave. Anyway, I'll go straight to the main point first. Your sis wants you to bake while you're here. Cos the cookie jars at home had been emptied and she misses your cookies and bread alot. She mention about some sour bread thing? I've no idea what's that and am in a hurry to scroll back our long conversation. So can you please just bake some? Then I can try as well when she brings to work =D hehe....another matter. Why are you so shy? Haha! You know how to get to me. And I'm stuck here with not even knowing how you look like. Any chance for meet up while you're back? Alright I gotta go now. Early morning rush. Just drop me a comment or email ok? See ya! =)
P/s: That other message was for my best friend =)
Posted by aNgeL-cuPid at 7:56 AM
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Alright. Chao~ Time to close up for year 2012. Last post coming up hopefully soon =) Cheers~
Woohoo!!! I made it! Dated 26th October 2013. I completed my first competitive run. It was a thing I never thought I will be able to accomplish all this years.
The story begins with: I'm not a runner.
That phrase is now changing my life.
On one random evening, I signed up for an upcoming run called Monster Dash. Intially I thought I just wanted to have fun and run with friends because Olivia whom I call my kakak is inviting the Gymboxers to join the run. She told me that she wanted to get at least 30 members from Gym Box to join the run with her. So I told her to post it on to Facebook and I can help tag friends.
So since then, Olie guided me through. She taught me the right technique. The speed, the striding, the posture, the incline, the pacing and every other knowledge that I need to know and prepare. It was my very first competitive run. I never run long distance in my whole life before. To me, 5km is already a long distant.
For weeks I trained on treadmill in the gym. And then something happened. My right foot start to hurt. It aches badly for 1 day and then 2 days after every single time I ran. I knew something is not right. Because I had a medical case on my right foot before. That was back when I was only 9 years old. I had an accessory bone near my right ankle. At some point I almost gave up running. I was so frustrated at my pain. I questioned myself: Why is it that I finally want to start running,my foot gave up on me.
But I know I must not give up. By hook or by crook I will run Monster Dash run that I'd already registered. I will not let anything stopped me from running. So I went to seek the doctor's advice. He told me everything that I already knew. Except for one. I asked the doctor only 1 question. Will I still be able to run for the rest of my life? Dr Yu, with his smiling face said "Yes you can still run. This is only a small matter". And I came out from the clinic hyped! I knew from then that I need to take very good care of my foot if I want to run further.
The run last night was awesome! I may not be at any position but I finished the run and I didn't feel any pain at all.
We started running at about 7.20pm. At the beginning, I lost my pacing. There were boys disturbing and yes I was very lost at then. But when we came out from Bampfylde road, I caught back up with my own pacing and ran at my normal speed until I reached Fata Hotel. The zombies were zombie'ing all over the place! I screamed and ran through them. I felt bad for knocking Angie at her head. Haha! Hope you're fine there girl. Anyway, after the terrifying zombie attack, I lost my breath and had a terrible time going up the reservoir hill. Since there, I was out of energy. Not only that, my left toe was blistered because of friction from going downhill. I couldn't run anymore but I kept pushing myself. When I was running pass St Joseph church, I only had one thing in my mind: Olie is waiting to see me at the finishing line. So I pushed myself harder. I kept running and running. When I finally reached the finishing line I was so glad. So happy so excited and last but not least, so proud of myself. And needless to say I went around looking for Olie and finding her standing there with her 1st runner up for women category tag. Wow! Was the only word I can say.
It was an extremely good experience. I now know how a competitive run is like. Monster Dash was just a fun run. But I think I took it rather seriously and learnt alot of lessons through that. I may be slower than I thought but I know I'm progressing.
Running is not about competing with others. It's always about competing with yourself. It feels good to overtake people during the run but that's not the main point. One gotta remember: No runner is best. Everyone is always in progress.
I can only thank Olie for guiding me so much before the run. Without her guidance, I won't even finish the run within an hour. I didn't time myself but I was definitely slower than my usual 40mins on treadmill. Honestly without her by my side last night, I really lost my pacing. I need to train more. But not yet. I have to get my foot fix before I proceed to anymore running.
Lastly, thank you Olie! I will run side by side with you soon =) And congrats on your winning!
P/s: To that special someone, one day I will run with you. Remember, I started running because of you.
Pp/s: Dear Pastry Chef, not sure if you will see this but this is the only method to send message to you. I'll be waiting for your cookies. Thank you. And make sure you bake for your sis also ok? Hehe =)
Monday, September 30, 2013
Oh nom nom nom!
CHEESE just next to them! Hancussssssssssssssssss!
I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove this lasagna!!! How I wish I can finish the whole plate by myself =P
Ahhhh!!! I think I need to learn this recipe from the chef. This is good!
This beef is so tender and juicy and roast to perfection! Yes! PERFECTION! It's been so long since I had such good beef. Thumbs up to this roast beef!!!
Think this is what they have? Actually not. I didn't snap photo of the pumpkin soup, buttered prawns, panseared fish and fried kuay teow. Oh the fried kuay teow is good! I miss eating those oily fattening food. Hahaha! Ok enough of my clean food craps.
Once in awhile we must eat some good food to treat our tummy well. So when is that once in awhile? Let's make it once a week. Every Friday 6.30pm can I have someone date me to this international buffet at Raintree Restaurant BCCK? Pweeeessssssssssssss! It's only RM72++ for adults and all you have to do is call up 082-392988 for reservation. Hehehe =D Ring up the place, make a reservation and drop me an invitation email ok? See you there!