Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Reflecting On The Tragedy

I was reading this post from and somehow it got me reflect my own past.

About 2 years ago, something huge happened to my life. Well it's not that huge because it's a lie and fake story after all. But it did impact me very hard. I was reluctant to tell people around me cos I won't want people to judge and start spreading news that I was crazy and etcetera. So I only told the whole story to friends who are closed and involved during that period of magical dreamy story.

I'm not sure if I am already healed and let go off that story. I was pissed off when I realised it was a total lie. I mean, how can someone drafted a story so well and made me believe in it through my heart and soul and in the end, crash and burn just like that. Gone and poof with the wind!

I started avoiding people. Friends, acquaintances, colleagues and families. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my own action. I didn't want to meet people. I was mad and somehow scared to bump into that person again. At first when the tragedy happened, I dig I stalk I get help I was desperate to know and find out who and how and why. Then I found the truth. I became mad and pissed and was a burning flame. But after the matter subsides, I became scared. I was afraid the history will repeat. I was afraid that person will find me again. I was afraid that person will do something to me again. I became so scared that I kept myself busy with work and work and work. People say ignorance is bliss. I tried. Not true. Didn't work out. So I prayed hard and hope to God that He will help me go through my everyday and eventually forget about the matter.

But I know clearly. Deep down inside me somewhere. I am still scared. I don't know how to voice it out to my mom neither my bf. I tried to share the story but the one who was not involved will not be able to know how I really feel. Then I came across that article. And here I am writing this. I hope that I can write all my anger and shame out to the anonymous for me to release whatever that is clogging my heart and head. I need to clear them away before proceeding to the new chapter of my life. I can't be feeling this all my life. I'm not sure if I can forgive but I can try to forget right?

I want to become a better person. I want to learn from all my past mistakes. But I keep ignoring them. Keeping them in a book somewhere on the shelf collecting dust. No matter how I try to ignore, the book is still sitting there on the shelf. I am currently hoping that by writing it out probably daily or weekly or monthly or just random days, I can become better. I just need to release them out. This may not be a good post but it surely does help me in a way or another.

To all my readers, apologies that I have been away. I can't bring myself to write anymore about my life after so many matters arise and tragedy happened. I'm looking into opening up a travel blog but I'm not sure how far can I go. I love writing and sharing my thoughts. But I get lazy with the photos. Tons of them. Any idea how?

Anyway, here's the link to the article I read on What Tragedy Can Teach You About Leadership. Have fun reading!

Sunday, May 25, 2014


Mask. Something that we wear everyday. To conceal the personalities we choose to keep within. No matter who you are or who you think you are, there will always be personalities that you keep to only yourself. Or to conceal from certain people.

How often do you reveal your true self to people? How much do you know about your true self? You may walk around with a smile, but are you truly happy? You may go around showing anger, but are you really that mad? Do you really know who is your true self? You may and you may not. It is a very subjective question.

Sitting at a cafe in the mall. Watching and observing people around. Promoters busy promoting. Cashiers busy counting money. Assistants busy packing goods. Parents busy feeding their kids. Children running around. Security guards standing and watching. Baristas busy pouring coffees. Everyone is busy. Everyone is occupied. Everyone, is concealing what's really happening behind in their life. 

It is only when the door is close. The curtains drawn. The lights off. That one became own true self. The mask being put down. All feelings reveals. All emotions release. The happy smiles. The angry rage. The confuse sleepless. The sad, tears...

Why did you put up that mask? Why do you conceal and do what is not right? I'm not saying at every single moment you should reveal your true self. In the society now, nothing and no one is safe and true. Fair enough, we just wanted to protect ourselves. But sometimes the more we protect, the more we reveal. At the end when the truth came out, you will never be on the winning side. 

I'm still holding onto a phrase a dear friend gave to me years ago. "Everything in life is a choice. Not fate. Choose wisely." So choose! Choose to be happy. Choose to be cheerful. Choose to be joyful. And all joy will be yours to receive. Why choose to put on the smiling mask when you should choose to put on that true mask which shows who you truly are from within?

I wonder what are the masks I'm gonna see tomorrow...

Remember...choose your mask wisely...

Monday, May 19, 2014

Too Soon

Dream house dream car,
Imaginary world brought too far,
Plans and promises too many,
Making life so dreamy

Within times within hopes,
Beyond expectations and changes,
Fingers cross praying hard,
Hoping we'll never be apart

A twist, a turn,
Everything crash and burn,
Unable to stop, unable to reverse,
Unable to undo the King of Universe

Reality came too soon,
Heart aches tears break,
Wishing upon stars and moon,
That you will still come back

The question unasked,
The answer unsaid,
Until the day we meet again,
I will love you til no end

Yours truly
Perpetua Angeline


Thursday, December 5, 2013

NYE 2012

Last post for year 2012. Celebrated my new year's eve with Tony and Hin. Brought them for dinner and around town. Ended up at Porkies =) 

Guinness. Declaring this as my all-time favourite liquor.

Simple yet delicious~

Keep them tasty keep them clean.

Many things happened in year 2012. Learnt alot. Especially from quitting my job at Lim & Teo to joining 100yen. Jumping from one relationship to another. It had been a heartache. Hearts broken, tears wasted, lesson learnt. We fall we get back up. We got lost we seek our way out. We learn we grow we know what to do next. We all became wiser as time pass. Things changed. People changed environment changed. We adapt to the changes around us. I've always live without regrets because regrets bring nothing out of me. Appreciate your past because without them you will never be where you are today. Be it bad or good. Say thank you God.

Happy New Year~

Monday, November 4, 2013

Cookie Jar

So much to say
Yet words can't describe
The way I felt
About your words last night

It was only a cookie jar
That was baked from far
It was only a Starbucks drink
That created the link

It's been a roller coaster weekend
Funny scary yet adventurous
The insanity that I found sane
The happiness that is mysterious

Who is this man
That God sent
Where is this path leading
If I'm still doubting

Wishing upon the many stars
To shine on us as we depart
Hand in hand, heart by heart
Til the day God draw us apart

Yours truly
Perpetua Angeline


Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Hunting for Pastry Chef

Hello Mr Pastry Chef! So I heard you've read my previous message eh. I hope you do get this one soon. Will only keep this open until you leave. Anyway, I'll go straight to the main point first. Your sis wants you to bake while you're here. Cos the cookie jars at home had been emptied and she misses your cookies and bread alot. She mention about some sour bread thing? I've no idea what's that and am in a hurry to scroll back our long conversation.  So can you please just bake some? Then I can try as well when she brings to work =D hehe....another matter. Why are you so shy? Haha! You know how to get to me. And I'm stuck here with not even knowing how you look like. Any chance for meet up while you're back? Alright I gotta go now. Early morning rush. Just drop me a comment or email ok? See ya! =)

P/s: That other message was for my best friend =)

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Food of Year 2012

Behold! This is gonna be a post all about the random food I had in year 2012. Not alot but still. Enjoy the photos. Won't crap alot cos photos speak for themselves. Hehe =D Start scrolling to ease your appetite =P 

Dated 1st September 2012. Bing's ice blended chocolate. I remember this one was an afternoon tea with cousin Chee and we both ordered the same drink. It's been awhile since we hangout. Some day soon my dear? Cheers~

Dated 27th September 2012. A gift from Dennis all the way from Japan. Thank you love~ Mom love it much =)

Dated 3rd October 2012. Oh the crispy pork noodles at Stutong area. Somewhere behind Public Bank. Can't remember the name. Was there for supper with Martin and Fabian. Miss those times I spent at their shop almost everyday. Hehe

Dated 5th October 2012. This one looks familiar. Can't really remember though. It's confirmed pork ribs. Not Howdy's not Porkies. But where???

Dated 24th October 2012. Those were the draught Guinness stout days spent at HOF =)

Dated 6th November 2012. Ensaymada! This was given by Miko's mom. My first time encountering Filipino's buns. Absolutely delicious!

Dated 9th November 2012. This char kueh tiao looks like they're from Causeway Bay. Haha!

Dated 13th November 2012. I remember these Starbucks drinks. It was free drinks day. On one random afternoon Starbucks decided to give out certain free drinks. Me and Tony went to airport's Starbucks to get ourselves some free drinks. Hehe thank you Starbucks!

Dated 14th November 2012. Chocolates given by Taki when he came back from KL and visited me at the hospital. Eek! Thanks again Taki~

Dated 14th November 2012. Eh same day with the chocolate above? Oh wait! It's the day I had a wedding performance! This was from Sharing Planet Downtown. Me and the ED crews went there to feast after the performance. Oh yes!

Dated 17th November 2012. Jimmy's wedding dinner. Happy wedding~

Dated 3rd December 2012. Random shopping resulted with Koko Krunch. Yummeh! I miss eating these cereals!

Dated 12th December 2012. The day I work overtime and someone delivered me dinner. Thanks!

Alright. Chao~ Time to close up for year 2012. Last post coming up hopefully soon =) Cheers~

Monster Dash 2013

Woohoo!!! I made it! Dated 26th October 2013. I completed my first competitive run. It was a thing I never thought I will be able to accomplish all this years.

The story begins with: I'm not a runner.

That phrase is now changing my life.

On one random evening, I signed up for an upcoming run called Monster Dash. Intially I thought I just wanted to have fun and run with friends because Olivia whom I call my kakak is inviting the Gymboxers to join the run. She told me that she wanted to get at least 30 members from Gym Box to join the run with her. So I told her to post it on to Facebook and I can help tag friends.

So we started tagging and sharing about the run on Facebook.  And since the registration, I told Olie that I want to start training for the run so that at least I will be able to finish the 5km run.

So since then, Olie guided me through. She taught me the right technique. The speed, the striding, the posture, the incline, the pacing and every other knowledge that I need to know and prepare. It was my very first competitive run. I never run long distance in my whole life before. To me, 5km is already a long distant.

For weeks I trained on treadmill in the gym. And then something happened.  My right foot start to hurt. It aches badly for 1 day and then 2 days after every single time I ran. I knew something is not right. Because I had a medical case on my right foot before. That was back when I was only 9 years old. I had an accessory bone near my right ankle. At some point I almost gave up running. I was so frustrated at my pain. I questioned myself: Why is it that I finally want to start running,my foot gave up on me.

But I know I must not give up. By hook or by crook I will run Monster Dash run that I'd already registered.  I will not let anything stopped me from running. So I went to seek the doctor's advice. He told me everything that I already knew. Except for one. I asked the doctor only 1 question. Will I still be able to run for the rest of my life? Dr Yu, with his smiling face said "Yes you can still run. This is only a small matter". And I came out from the clinic hyped! I knew from then that I need to take very good care of my foot if I want to run further.

The run last night was awesome! I may not be at any position but I finished the run and I didn't  feel any pain at all.

We started running at about 7.20pm. At the beginning, I lost my pacing. There were boys disturbing and yes I was very lost at then. But when we came out from Bampfylde road, I caught back up with my own pacing and ran at my normal speed until I reached Fata Hotel. The zombies were zombie'ing all over the place! I screamed and ran through them.  I felt bad for knocking Angie at her head. Haha! Hope you're fine there girl. Anyway, after the terrifying zombie attack, I lost my breath and had a terrible time going up the reservoir hill. Since there, I was out of energy. Not only that, my left toe was blistered because of friction from going downhill. I couldn't run anymore but I kept pushing myself. When I was running pass St Joseph church, I only had one thing in my mind: Olie is waiting to see me at the finishing line. So I pushed myself harder. I kept running and running. When I finally reached the finishing line I was so glad. So happy so excited and last but not least, so proud of myself. And needless to say I went around looking for Olie and finding her standing there with her 1st runner up for women category tag. Wow! Was the only word I can say.

It was an extremely good experience.  I now know how a competitive run is like. Monster Dash was just a fun run. But I think I took it rather seriously and learnt alot of lessons through that.  I may be slower than I thought but I know I'm progressing.

Running is not about competing with others. It's always about competing with yourself. It feels good to overtake people during the run but that's not the main point. One gotta remember: No runner is best. Everyone is always in progress.

I can only thank Olie for guiding me so much before the run. Without her guidance, I won't even finish the run within an hour. I didn't time myself but I was definitely slower than my usual 40mins on treadmill.  Honestly without her by my side last night, I really lost my pacing. I need to train more. But not yet. I have to get my foot fix before I proceed to anymore running.

Lastly, thank you Olie! I will run side by side with you soon =) And congrats on your winning!

P/s: To that special someone, one day I will run with you. Remember, I started running because of you.

Pp/s: Dear Pastry Chef, not sure if you will see this but this is the only method to send message to you. I'll be waiting for your cookies.  Thank you. And make sure you bake for your sis also ok? Hehe =)

Monday, September 30, 2013

The Raintree Restaurant International Buffet Dinner

Tired of the same old cafe you go on every Friday night? Or contemplating about having Japanese or Chinese or Italian for dinner to start on a great weekend? Need a change from all the homecook and clean food? And to the gym-ers, want a total cheat day? I know just the place! Wahahaha! Cos I just had my total cheat meal last Friday night and it was awesome! Savouring those buns, cheese, mayonaise, cakes, rendang, and ooohhhhhh I love the taste of black pepper sauce!

Let me bring you back to the around-the-world-dinner~ All available at one place. One comfortable restaurant with beautiful view of Sarawak river. The Raintree Restaurant located at BCCK~~ They're having the international buffet every Friday from 6.30pm to 10pm. The buffet started last weekend and I'm not sure how long it will last. Probably until New Year. 

The price to dine in will be RM72++ per person for adults and RM34++ for kids aged 5 to 12 years old. So if you're above 12 years old then you're consider as adults. But why our parents never treat us as adults when we're in Form 1? Haha! Any child below age 5 will get to eat for free. 

Always start a good meal with appetizers. Appetizers are too good to be missed! Don't skip straight to the main course cos you might find gold in appetizers =D

Ham! Love how they displayed the ham. Instead of the normal plainly laying flat on the plate they had it forked up. Haha!

Look at how adorable the view is from top. Hehehe

Gold like salmons are food you will miss if you skip appetizers. Smoked salmon! But I still prefer my salmon the raw way. Hehe =D Raw salmons with wasabi! Oh nom nom nom!

Prawns wrapped in I-don't-know-what but this one's good. Oh and they actually dipped it inside marinated cucumbers and pudding. Nice combination! Love the sour and spicy!

I seriously do not know what is this but this tasted awesome! The best appetizer I had ever had! Or probably I had clean food for too long and I really love everything I taste that night. Haha! 

Buns and bread! I love buns and bread and pastries. I'm a bakery person. Never bring me to a bakery cos I will not walk out empty handed. Hahaha! And I've been holding back by buying ONLY wholemeal bread from bakery these days. So you can already imagine what happened to those buns that night.

What more to say when there's this platter of CHEESE just next to them! Hancussssssssssssssssss!

Sushi! No I'm still good at holding back not to eat rice. Hahaha! I'm not a rice person anyway~ Always prefer noodles than rice. Was tempted to try these but I knew I had to save my stomach for something else. Something better. Hehehe

Buns! Yes I can't have enough of buns. I love buns so much that my mom once said that if I continue to eat more buns, my face will look like one =O

Baked potatoes! They even have sweet potatoes too. But potatoes fill your tummy so fast that I decided to skip this as well. Hehehehe But then again, whoever judge a potato's taste kan? Potatoes always taste so good be it baked or boiled.

Dim sums! These are pretty normal though. I can have dim sums like every week. So yeah, this one's just ok ok to me la. Probably what's missing is some really good chilli sauce but then again it will spoil the whole taste =P

Baked chicken with olive and potato. This one's rather normal as well. Cos I eat chicken everyday. Hahaha! Except mine is without olive. Hmm olives =D Me love!

Oh sweet Mediterranean lamb tagine~ Complicated name to imagine the taste? In short, it tastes totally like rendang. Love this one! Nope there's no roast lamb for this buffet. Roast lamb are kept for the special occassion. Hehehe

Looking for something Italian? Tadah! They have lasagna! I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove this lasagna!!! How I wish I can finish the whole plate by myself =P

Baked salmon with olives, herbs and lemon. Now this is the one dish I kept going back to =D Countless rounds of baked salmon. Baked salmon taste so much better than smoked salmon. Well to me that is. Hehe Oh and they topped it with cheese!!!! Ahhhh!!! I think I need to learn this recipe from the chef. This is good!

Lastly, no roast lamb? No worries! They have roasted beef with roasted root vegetable and baked potato. Sauces available? Black pepper sauce, mushroom sauce and BBQ sauce. English mustard and dijion mustard are available too. This beef is so tender and juicy and roast to perfection! Yes! PERFECTION! It's been so long since I had such good beef. Thumbs up to this roast beef!!!

As for desserts, I had to choose carefully what I eat. Haha! Kinda disappointed there's no cheese cake. This one's bread pudding. My first time having this. It's warm though. I prefer my dessert cold. Hehe

What's dessert without fruits right?

Or some might prefer fruits tartlet. Cute little strawberries and peach.

Pandan cake. I miss their chocolate cake.

Last but not least, BCCK's dessert trademark. The chocolate fountain!

Think this is what they have? Actually not. I didn't snap photo of the pumpkin soup, buttered prawns, panseared fish and fried kuay teow. Oh the fried kuay teow is good! I miss eating those oily fattening food. Hahaha! Ok enough of my clean food craps.

Once in awhile we must eat some good food to treat our tummy well. So when is that once in awhile? Let's make it once a week. Every Friday 6.30pm can I have someone date me to this international buffet at Raintree Restaurant BCCK? Pweeeessssssssssssss! It's only RM72++ for adults and all you have to do is call up 082-392988 for reservation. Hehehe =D Ring up the place, make a reservation and drop me an invitation email ok? See you there!