15th July 2012

15th July 2012. The day everything ended in storm. The day I never expect to come so soon. Way too soon. Way too fast. Way too short. Way too sudden. It could have been any other day. But because of certain stuff that I did, it happened on that day....

Exactly 8 months ago, we started to talk as friends for the first time. You sent me the first sms. And since that day, you text me almost everyday. At first I was kinda reluctant to contact with you. But soon after, we tend to get closer. There's this spark that existed between us. Yes, existed. Because it's no longer there. Not for my case but for your part.

I remember the first time we spent the whole day together. Well not exactly the whole day but from noon til night. At Sunday market. It was then that we both realized we had this common bridge in between. I can replay everything that happened there and then as if it's just yesterday. No strings attached. Just friends. Merely friends who knows nothing about each other but enjoyed the company. It was the first time I sat in your car and being clueless about where you're bringing me. It's as if I'm being kidnapped but I had the trust in you. I trust that things will not happened. Why? I don't know. The trust is just there. Bako lunch. Telaga Air sea wind. The world is my stage. No. You had your own way to your stage.

2 weeks passed. We started to hangout more often. The Junk. Spring. Hills. And that Sunday afternoon sudden trip to Damai Central. I was distracted. My decisions were distracted. And I changed my mind about leaving. That noon, I told you, Yes, You are the one who made my change of mind.

For the next few nights, we continuously stopped each other from getting into relationship. You told me to leave. I hesitated. I told you not to fall for me. You said you might and might not. You told me to chase after my dream and chase after him. I told you I'm afraid things might not work out the way I wanted. Again I hesitated. I told you I'm not ready for a relationship. You said you gave up on her. We're both in midst of confusion and rejection and fear. Fear of losing this precious friendship. Fear that things will not work out. But we know we wanted each other badly. In the end, I said I wanted you but am afraid to commit anymore. You said let's just hold hands and decide everything else later...

That's how we started. From repairman and clerk to hand in hand on the street. There were happy times. There were sad times. There were achievements. There were disappointments.

宝贝, I was the one who gave up trying. I should have hold on and keep on trying. But love, I will stand strong again. For you, anything I would. Fear not because you are never alone. I am always behind you. You will forever remain in my memories, my heart. Yes things still hurt, but not as bad anymore. It's not that I moved on. But I grow from there. Go on and have your independent life. I will be there to hold you if ever you fall. You are my strong, smart, independent man. Always willing to learn anything that comes in your path. Always there to remove the obstacles. One day if God and Cupid permits, we will be together again. I have faith in God. I have faith in us. I believe in us. Believe.



ahlost said…
You're stronger than you think you are *hugs*

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